


There's never enough

by Vyskalia



Series: Dead in the Water [2]
Category: Oasis (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Brother Feels, Drunk Noel, Gallaghercest | Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher Incest, Hand Jobs, Liam just wants to be loved, Light Angst, M/M, Noel is unreliable and contradictory, Noel seems like a right bastard but he's just a bit lost, Noel smokes when he can't deal with his feelings, Poor communication skills lads, Reunion Sex, They both need each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:47:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25912324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vyskalia/pseuds/Vyskalia
Summary: Set in 2017; Who Built The Moon is about to be released and Liam receives an (un)expected visitor.
Relationships: Liam Gallagher & Noel Gallagher, Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher
Series: Dead in the Water [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965613
Comments: 13
Kudos: 64





	There's never enough

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a continuation of [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25634464). But it works on its own too. I have more plans for this whole plot/timeline/whatever this even is...  
> The song Noel talks about is Dead in the Water. Which is clearly about Liam, we all know this, ok. 
> 
> Largely a Liam POV, with a drunken, rambling Noel who's making very little sense - but let's be real folks, he's a complicated little bunny and makes everyone read between the lines so I just went with it.  
> TBH, I just wanted to write overly emotional reunion smut for them. So yes. That happened. I think it counts as a reunion anyway.

*

  
Liam woke with a start, the room dark apart from his phone lighting up blue as it buzzed on the table next to him. He felt groggy, still half asleep as he fumbled to grab the phone and peer at the screen. He expected it to be an alarm, set for the wrong time, or was it really 6am already?   
The screen flashed a name, too bright for his tired eyes.   
**Noel.**

  
He was still asleep, he decided. Definitely. It was one of those dreams he had where Noel still remembered his little brother's existence. He dropped the phone on the covers and rubbed his eyes.   
The light still flashed. The phone was still ringing. He stared again at the screen with a twist in his stomach. Was he awake? Why in hell was Noel calling? For a moment he thought he had it wrong, maybe _he_ was calling Noel, perhaps his phone had gone mad in the night and started calling his contacts on its own. Squinting, Liam could see the words clearly, blue and unmistakable; **Incoming Call - Noel.**  
He hit Answer, unthinking, his brain struggling out of the fog of sleep. The phone stopped buzzing in his hand and he stared at the screen, wondering what the fuck he was meant to say.

  
''Noel?'' His voice was scratchy, too-loud in the quiet room.   
For while the line was silent. Liam realised it must be a mistake; maybe Noel's phone was broken, maybe one of his kids was messing around, maybe he was still asleep and dreaming. Then he heard a breath, barely audible on the end of the line, and he knew it was Noel. All these years, and he could still recognise the slightest sound his brother made. 

  
''Noel, what you doing?'' Liam felt his heart drop as he wondered if their Mam was OK, surely the only reason Noel would call him was if something had happened? Suddenly he was awake. ''Noel, what the fuck, is Mam alright?''  
Noel's voice at the end of the phone was thin. ''What? Mam? - she's fine. I'm not calling about....I mean...fuck's sake Liam,'' he sounded drunk, Liam realised, ''I'm outside. Your house, I mean. I'm outside your house. Let me in.''   
''Get to fuck,'' Liam said immediately. ''What, you just popped round for a cup of tea and a natter?''  
There was a long silence. Liam glanced at the phone to see if Noel had hung up. Then he spoke again.   
''Are you really?''  
''Yes, I fucking am,'' Noel said, ''let me in, you cunt.'' He paused and Liam could hear him cough away from the phone, then he huffed a sigh. Liam could almost see him rolling his eyes. ''Please.''  
Liam said nothing.  
''Please, Liam.''

  
The phone screen went dark in Liam's hand as he hung up. The only light in the room crept from under the door. He slid out of bed and pulled a t-shirt over his head, trying to not trip over in the dark. The sheets were dragged off the bed in a heap, his phone skittering across the floor, abandoned. His hands shook as he fumbled at the door handle and was temporarily blinded by the hall light glaring into the room.   
'' _This is embarrassing mate_ ,'' his brain quietly pointed out, as he bumped into a bag on the floor and swore loudly. He hated how his heart was thumping, his legs feeling like he'd just run a marathon; all because of a phonecall that was probably a prank - he almost fell down the last flight of stairs - a prank from his idiot bastard brother who he _hated_.....  
Liam stood for a second in the hallway, staring at the faint blue light just visible through the glass in the front door. At 2am, that front door should normally be in darkness. Someone was standing outside - no, Noel was standing outside. His house. After nearly ten years. The realisation made something ache in Liam's throat, and filled him with an urge to rush to the door and fling it open. But a small part of him felt something else. 

  
Annoyance. He'd almost forgotten the feeling; that sharp, nagging pull of annoyance whenever Noel was around him, pulling the strings like Liam's own personal puppet master and making him dance to whatever tune Noel saw fit. He clenched his fists, swearing under his breath; ''fuck's sake, he's fucking back. _Bastard_.''   
A shadow moved behind the door and the blue light flickered off, then on again. Liam felt the tug on the strings in his chest, insistent and familiar, and scowled.  
He stomped into the kitchen and clicked the kettle on. Trying to swallow down the growing anger, he set two mugs down on the counter and yanked open the cupboard. The sight of the teabags and instant coffee staring back impassively made him want to punch something. Or someone. He threw the box of teabags next to the kettle and leaned on the counter, his head spinning. '' _Make the fucker wait_ ,'' he thought, '' _coming round here, at cunt o'clock in the morning, telling me to let him in. He must think...._ ''.   
The kettle was beginning to burble happily, the sound filling his ears. He wondered if he would hear Noel if he decided to knock on the door. Maybe he wouldn't.  
He imagined Noel staring at the silent, closed door. Imagined him tutting in his condesending way and walking away from the house, away from Liam. Again.

  
A second later Liam slid the catch back on the front door and felt the cold London air hit his face. Noel leaned against the porch, bleary-eyed and pale. His phone was in his hand, uselessly ringing Liam's, left abandoned upstairs.  
''Alright?'' Noel stood up straighter, making a valiant attempt to appear sober. ''Can I come in?'' He trembled slightly in his too-thin jacket, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. His skin looked soft under a faint shadow of stubble. '' _He's still perfect, the little shit_ ,'' Liam's thoughts whispered, unhelpfully.   
He stared at Noel warily. ''You what?''  
''Can I come in?''  
''Alright? _Alright_? Is that all you've got to say?'' Liam knew he sounded petulant, and he didn't care. ''Alright to you and all, you fucker.''  
''Yeah. Yes. Fine. So, can I come in - please?'' Noel's expression was deadpan, his eyes fixed somewhere near Liam's feet, his words softened around the edges by alcohol. Liam wanted to punch him, wanted to hug him and most of all wanted him to not be on his doorstep in the cold looking like a Dickensian waif.  
He held the door open. ''Wanker.''   
Noel hesitated for a minute, and Liam half-expected him to turn around and disappear into the darkness; then he pottered past him into the kitchen and Liam slammed the front door, because neighbours be damned. He wished he wasn't in his boxers and a ratty t-shirt, he was freezing now. 

  
The kettle had boiled and the kitchen was silent again. Noel was standing next to the window, looking out into the dark. He looked lost, Liam thought.   
''Tea?''  
'Yeah, go on then'' Noel said. He pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and sat heavily, his hands spread in front of him, tapping the expensive distressed-wood top. One of Debbie's more hipster purchases. Liam waited for Noel to comment on it, but instead he stayed silent and watched as Liam fiddled around with teabags and milk until two steaming mugs were on the table before them. 

  
''Debbie?'' Noel took a sip of tea, not seeming to care that it was scaldingly hot. ''She in?''  
''At her sister's,'' Liam replied shortly. ''Mind your own business,'' he added, to make a point.   
Noel sniffed. ''Dickhead.'' There was no bite in his voice. He looked wasted - the lines around his mouth pulled taut and dark bruised circles under his eyes. Liam leaned on his elbows and stared at his brother. It was strange, to see this new, older Noel sitting there sipping tea as if eight years of silence had been just a minor accident. Liam knew this was an opportunity to start the questions - '' _why did you leave?'', ''why do you hate me?'', ''why are you here_?'' But as he watched Noel in the dim light he found he didn't care about the answers.   
Noel was back, in his house, and Liam could only feel contented. He hated himself for how easily he succumbed when Noel was around him, but there it was already - that comfortable glow that only came from Noel's attention, from Noel's eyes on him. A long-dormant sensation was uncurling and stretching languidly in Liam's chest, roused for the first time in too long. He didn't want to focus on what it was, exactly. 

  
He sighed and scratched his chin. ''You look like absolute shit,'' he said.  
Noel nodded. ''I know.''   
''It's 3 o'clock in the morning.''  
''I know.''  
''And you're in my house drinking tea.''  
''I kn.....yeah.''  
Liam sighed again.   
''Any reason why?''  
''Cause I'm pissed, I think.'' Noel said, trying a smile and failing. ''I mean....I am pissed. I was drinking tequila in the taxi. Or sambuca. Or something. I got it off this girl....anyway.... I don't know.''  
''Let me guess,'' Liam leaned back in his chair and rolled his eyes, ''wild party round fucking Bono's was it? Dancing to Wham records with your poncey mates?''   
Noel's hand wobbled as he took another sip of tea. ''Maybe.''  
''Fuck me, I dunno why I let you in here,'' Liam said, and shook his head sadly.  
''Well?''  
''Well what?'   
''Why did you?'' Noel's eyes drooped almost shut. He looked on the verge of sliding off his chair. Liam could only stare at him, fingers curled tight around his mug. Since when had Noel become so thin? He could see the line of his collar bone under his shirt, his belt implausibly snug around his narrow waist. Liam looked away abruptly.  
''I dunno,'' he said. ''What else would I do? Fuck knows. You still haven't told me why you're here.''  
Noel didnt speak for a while. The cat padded silently into the kitchen, weaving under the table and fixing them both with a unimpressed look, before disappearing through the cat-flap with a swish.   
''Me and Sara had a...a fight.'' Noel's voice was raspy, ''I can't remember....It was something fucking stupid anyway and she put me in the taxi and said I should come here and so here I am.''  
Liam swallowed a gulp of tea and wiped his mouth.   
''Eh?''  
''I said,'' Noel blinked up at the ceiling, ''Sara sent me here. I'd drunk a fucking shitload before we even went out, and then I was annoying her because I was talking about you....I think. Or maybe I said...well I dunno, I said something and then she was looking at me funny and everything was shit all night so I just got more drunk. And then she was putting me in a taxi and telling the driver your address and I'm here. She said I should talk to you.''  
''Fucking hell.''  
''Yeah.''  
'' _She_ said we should talk?'' Liam was incredulous.  
''No,'' Noel said snappishly, ''she said _I_ should talk to you.''   
''How's that fucking different from us talking?''  
''I dunno,'' Noel frowned. ''It is though.''  
Liam was quiet for a while, then he shrugged. ''Talk then. You've always been the big talker, right?''   
Noel's voice was strained as he spoke, ''Fuck off, I'm not some...'' he paused, ''anyway, what....what do I say?'' He looked straight ahead, his face so completely miserable that Liam had a sudden fear that he was going to start crying. For a blinding moment, Liam imagined leaning forward and kissing him. Imagined Noel's tongue against his, tasting of alcohol and tea and Noel.....Liam bit the inside of his mouth and pushed the thoughts away.  
''Don't cry.''  
''....Eh?''  
''Don't start sobbing on me you fucker, I swear....''  
Noel's expression hardened and he glared at Liam. ''I wasn't going to cry, you daft cunt. Fuck's sake.''  
Liam breathed a sigh of relief, ''Good, good, I thought...''  
''Shut up.''  
''Only, I thought..''  
''Shut _up_.''  
''Ok.'' 

  
Noel put his face in his hands. Liam took the mugs away, rinsing them in the sink for far too long, not wanting to face his brother. He felt shattered and wished he was back in his bed. He grumbled in his head; '' _here I am, awake, at 3am, like a right twat, listening to the ramblings of a drunken..._.''  
''Can I stay?''   
Liam turned, startled by the question.   
''Stay?''  
''Yes, stay. Stay here? Can I?'' Noel spoke patronisingly, as if he was talking to a simpleton, and Liam contemplated hurling something heavy at him, maybe the toaster or Debbie's new juicer.   
''Yeah.'' His answer came too fast, and Liam immediately regretted it. He glanced sideways at the juicer, but Noel had already folded his arms on the table and laid his head down.  
''You can't sleep on the table, dickhead.''  
'''m fine.'' Noel mumbled.  
''No, I mean, you ain't sleeping on my nice new table, getting your dribble all over it, ok? Get up. You can kip in the spare room.''  
Noel didn't reply, his shoulders relaxing into sleep. Liam wanted to smack the back of his head, but instead he rolled his eyes and turned the light out. ''Fine. Sleep tight. Try to be a bit less fucking weird when you wake up yeah?''  
The kitchen looked cold and univiting, a sliver of pale streetlight cast through the window, Noel's hunched form at the table. Liam stomped up the stairs, limbs heavy and his head spinning. 

  
As he lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling, he knew he couldn't sleep. His eyes were dry with tiredness but questions crowded into his head, loud and persistent.   
What in hell had Noel been talking about? Why had Sara, of all people, sent him to Liam's house in the middle of the night? Was it all a joke? How drunk had Noel been? Liam had rarely seen Noel so unlike himself, so lost and bemused and talking nonsense. '' _Actually no,''_ he decided, _''he's never stopped talking shit so nothing's new there. And now he's here, fucking with my head again, like always. Lying, probably, like always._ ''  
He wondered what Noel had said that had so infuriated Sara. He wondered what the cabbie must have thought, charged with ferrying a talkative, tequila-swigging National Treasure across town, in the dead of night, on a Tuesday?

  
He thought about how Noel's eyes had held his the moment he'd opened the front door. Liam had seen those blue eyes full of shock, and relief, and something else - embarrassment? Noel hadn't expected Liam to answer the door, he realised. He'd expected to be turned away. The thought made Liam's throat feel tight and he swallowed it down hastily. 

  
He closed his eyes, exhausted

*

He was half-asleep when a sound jolted him awake. He rolled over to see Noel watching him. The door was halfway open, the light making Liam squint and cover his face. The clock on the landing said it was five past five, or maybe six; Liam's vision blurred and the clock hands wobbled dangerously.

  
Noel came in and sat on the edge of the bed. Liam couldn't tell if he was sleep-walking, or still drunk.  
He flopped back on the pillows. ''Just want t' sleep, Noely,'' he muttered, ''How'm I gonna do that when you're creeping about my house like a lunatic? Jesus fucking Christ.'' He turned his head to look at his brother, and frowned. Noel was slowly pulling his shoes off, as if he wasn't even aware of Liam's presence. He laid his jacket carefully over the end of the bed. His white shirt looked sheer across his chest as he sat sillhouetted against the light. 

  
''Fucking freezing downstairs.'' Noel's voice was quiet. He sounded somewhat sober, Liam noted gratefully.  
''I know.''   
''Why d'you leave me down there?''  
''Didn't. You wanted to stay down there, you fucker.''  
''Well, now I've probably got hypothermia. Your hot tap isn't working in the bath.''  
Liam narrowed his eyes. ''You haven't got nothing, calm down. Wait a sec, were you poking around my bathroom...?''  
''Yeah,'' Noel looked up and met Liam's stare. ''Never mind that. Can I sleep here?''   
Liam felt the sinking feeling in his stomach that told him, _no, this is a bad idea, don't be stupid, say no, say no....._  
''Alright, you weirdo,'' he pulled the duvet back and patted the bed. ''Only if it shuts you up and I can get some kip.'' 

They lay silent, the light from the doorway making the room glow dimly golden. Noel was curled on his side, facing away from Liam. His breathing was slow and regular, and Liam closed his eyes and listened. The sound was like listening to his own heartbeat. It had been absent for so long he'd almost forgotten it.   
A heavy, aching want crawled under his skin. He tried to ignore it. Then he rolled over and stared at Noel's back, watching his shoulders rise and fall. 

  
''Go to sleep.'' Noel mumbled, after a while.  
Liam scowled. ''I am asleep.''  
''I can tell you're watching me, you prick. Go to sleep.''  
''I can't.''   
Noel said nothing.   
A police siren passed outside, blue lights flashing, screaming into the distance, leaving them in an even louder silence.  
''You smell the same.'' Liam's words were a murmur, half to himself.   
Noel still didn't speak. But Liam could see his breathing change and his shoulders stiffen imperceptibly. Then he rolled over and faced Liam. His expression was blank.   
''What did you say?''

  
Liam looked into ice-water eyes, the mirror of his own, and felt himself falling into the abyss. 

  
''I said you smell the same.'' He rubbed his face and rolled onto his back; anything to get away from Noel's gaze. ''Don't you fucking start laughing at me now, alright. I just noticed, like, and I remember your aftershave and.....and...'' he paused, willing himself to stop rambling, ''I missed it. I think. Yeah, I did. I missed it.'' He mentally kicked himself. Even he didn't know what he was trying to say; and now Noel was just going to take the piss out of him, or pick a fight, or.....

  
Noel moved suddenly, leaning over him in one motion. His lips were warm against Liam's as he kissed him, too hard and graceless to be anything romantic, but Liam felt the old surge of heat in his stomach and could only open his mouth and kiss back. It was always this way, as inevitable as a tide rolling in. He was helpless, like an addict taking a hit straight to the vein. Noel's tongue brushed his, the taste so familiar it made Liam shudder; made him curl his fingers into Noel's pristine white shirt and pull him closer, deepening the kiss. A little part of Liam reminded him that he should be on his feet right now, telling Noel to leave, telling him to apologise, telling him to explain the years of silence. But the reminder was too quiet; it was silenced effortlessly when Liam felt Noel's hand on his thigh, gripping him hard enough to leave a mark, keeping him still. A soft noise slipped past his lips and he moved his hands to his brother's face, cupping his jaw whilst he bit gently on a soft bottom lip, then ran his tongue over it slowly. He felt Noel pulling away slightly, and opened his eyes. 

  
''I missed you.'' The words were out of Liam's mouth before he could think. ''Fucking missed you.''

  
Noel bit his lip, unable to meet Liam's gaze. He dropped back on the bed, one arm over his face.   
Liam felt cold, right to his core. Tentatively, he moved and rested his head on Noel's chest, and let out a sigh of relief when there wasn't a hand pushing him away. They breathed quietly for a long time, the minutes ticking away inside the clock on the wall.

  
''I wrote a song about you.'' Noel muttered, the sound rumbling in his chest under Liam's ear.  
''You always write songs about me.''  
''Shut up. I wrote a song about you, and Sara asked what it was about, and I said it wasn't about nothing and she just looked at me like ....I dunno...like she thought it was funny.'' Noel paused, ''anyway it was a fucking stupid song, I shouldn't have done it, but whatever, it's done now.''  
''Bet it's a belter,'' Liam couldn't help but grin, ''all your best songs are about me.''  
''Will you shut up? I was so drunk earlier. Like, fucking hell, I was pissed out my head and I started talking about you and what a cunt you are....and Sara was giving me these looks like she wanted to strangle me, you know? And she said....well, she started asking what that song was about again and I was too shitfaced to lie and I said it was about you, and she went fucking quiet and I thought I'd fucked everything up, and I probably have, but there you go.'' Noel's hand moved to the back of Liam's neck. He continued, as if to himself, ''later on she shoved me in that taxi. She looked like she was going to cry. I kept saying I didn't get what the fuss was about but she just lost it then, was telling me to stop lying and.....stuff. Yeah. It was weird. She just knew. About...about us. I think. Anyway, I felt like a right cunt.''  
''You are a right cunt.'' Liam pressed his face against Noel's shirt and closed his eyes.  
''I know.''   
''And you talk too much when you're pissed.''  
''I know.''  
''And even when you're not pissed. Still a fucking chatterbox. Rambling on like y'are.''  
''I know.''  
Liam moved and pressed his face into the crook of Noel's neck. Noel slipped his fingers through Liam's hair, and for a second it was 1990 again, both of them squashed in a single bed, high as kites, with nothing in the world but each other. Liam breathed in deeply, and curled his arm around his brother, desperate for the moment to last, to stay with them forever.   
''I didn't think we'd ever....I didn't...'' Noel took a deep breath, ''I thought, you'd never...''  
''I'd never what?'' 

  
Noel didn't reply. Liam nosed against his neck, his breath damp and warm. Then, on instinct, he dragged his tongue across Noel's skin, tracing up to his jaw, tasting sweat and salt and wanting more, wanting everything. Wanting to make Noel understand that it could still be that 90's summertime, right here and now, just for them.

  
When Noel sighed and leaned down to cover Liam's mouth with his own, Liam realised that time didn't matter. Noel had brush strokes of grey in his hair and lines around his eyes, Liam was no longer whip-thin and silky-soft in Noel's arms, but that didn't matter. They were two parts of a whole, and the sensation of finally being back with his missing half was enough to make Liam feel like a giddy twenty year-old, facing the world and ready for anything. Noel's grip on the back of his neck tightened and he was pulled firmly into the kiss, a single flick of his tongue dragging a quiet moan from Noel's throat.   
The sound set Liam's blood on fire and maybe this was hell, or heaven, he never knew, but it was too late to ever matter now. He would always need this. The knowledge was snug in his heart, firm and unmoving. He would always fall apart at Noel's bidding, always want to break away from him, always dream of his hot, tender mouth, always wish they had never known each other. And, in the end, he would always be defeated by the fierce, clawing desire that Noel could summon with just a look.   
Heat pooled in his belly and his mind went quiet. He pushed closer, too close; he knew Noel would feel the hard line of his cock against his thigh and had a moment of utter fear that Noel would cut and run, even now - but then Noel shifted against him, a muttered ''fuck.... _fuck, Liam_ '' sounding like an angels' choir in his ears. He licked into Noel's mouth, pushy and urgent, a silent plea for more, _please, more_. Noel seemed to understand, as he always did. He slid his hand down Liam's chest, dipping under his t-shirt; cool fingers against hot skin. His touch was sure as he pushed Liam's boxers down over his hip and wrapped his fist around his cock, dragging his thumb too slowly across the tip and making Liam gasp. The air felt heavy, thick, and Liam could only move automatically, like a magnet pulled by the earth's gravity; pushing into his brother's hand. His head fell back and Noel's mouth instantly was pressed against his neck, littering his skin with kisses fierce enough to leave bruises. It was messy, uncoordinated and made Liam feel like a teenager again. He'd never wanted anything more. 

  
He reached blindly and found Noel's wrist, gripped it too tightly; their hands moving together. They both remembered this too well. Liam could feel his own precome leaking onto Noel's calloused, deft hands, and let out a whine. ''N-Noel....fuck..''  
''Shh. I know,'' Noel's breathing was shallow, '' _I know._ ''  
Liam glanced down; Noel was hard, his cock straining against his expensive jeans. With every stroke of his hand on Liam, Noel rolled his hips slightly, the tiniest shudder running through him each time. He was flushed, muscles taut, one arm still looped around Liam's neck, keeping him in place. In that instant Liam wanted to kiss every inch of his brother, take his cock in his mouth and taste everything he'd missed for too long. The thought filled his mind and he bucked his hips up, fucking Noel's hand, feeling sparks running through his skin. Heat crept out in tendrils from low in his belly, irresistable and unstoppable.   
He tried to speak, the words too heavy to form properly, '''m fucking close, J-Jesus, _fuck_....Noel...''  
''C'mon,'' Noel's whisper sounded faraway. ''Liam, you-you're so good. C'mon.''  
Liam was near-silent as he came in Noel's hand, his breathing harsh and erratic. Every cell in his body shivered with the rush of relief and pleasure. It felt like spilling his soul into his brother's hands, like breathing in after a long dive, like falling off the end of the earth. Noel's scent was all around him and he hummed softly as his lips were captured in a kiss so light it may have been imagined. His heartbeat still thudded in his ears and he could still feel a hand steady on the nape of his neck. It felt like being safe, he realised. 

  
''Fucking hell.'' Noel sounded stunned.

  
Liam grunted, not wanting to move. ''Give... give me a minute.'' Noel was quiet for a while, then he shifted away and Liam opened his eyes. He rolled on his back. Noel was wiping one hand on his shirt and unbuttoning it clumsily with the other. The cotton was slick with Liam's come.   
''That's a nice shirt,'' Liam peered up at him, eyes gleaming suddenly, ''well, it was.''   
Noel paused to look at him, an eyebrow raised. ''You're right, it was,'' he said. He peeled it off and held it out in front of him, ''now look at it.'' His hands were trembling.  
Liam snickered. ''Shame that, bet it was expensive. Careful it don't go in the hot wash. Might come out like a little doll's blouse. Would still fit you though, to be fair.''   
Noel threw the shirt at him. His chest was blush red, a sheen of sweat tracing down his throat and over his collarbone. ''Hilarious. You're an idiot.''  
''Yeah.'' Liam pulled his own stained t-shirt off and threw it on the floor with Noel's. ''But you love me.'' He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Noel's shoulder, nudging him down onto his back, his lips pressing into flushed skin that was more enticing than any drug he'd ever known. ''You love me,'' he repeated softly, suddenly dizzy at the sight of Noel beneath him, lean and delicate and achingly hard. ''You do. I know you do.'' 

Noel said nothing. His eyes were hazy as he watched Liam straddle his thighs and slide warm hands around his waist, pulling him closer, before starting to unbuckle his belt.

  
''You're too skinny,'' Liam pulled the belt free. 

  
Noel looked down at himself. ''I'm fucking perfect, you mean,'' he said, quirking an eyebrow up. The words would have sounded confident, if his voice hadn't been an octave too low and his pupils hadn't swallowed up most of the blue in his eyes. Liam paused, his breath catching in his throat. He wanted to tell his brother to shut up, to stop being so vain, to look in a mirror more often. But Noel was aroused and drawn tight as a bowstring under him and Liam knew he was getting soft in his old age, but shit, how he loved this sharp, egotistical, beautiful bastard. With every bit of his soul, Liam loved him.   
He knew it was pointless trying to say anything. All he could do was fumble blindly at a button and zipper that seemed far too complicated, and somehow move position even though his body felt like lead, and finally, _oh god, finally_ , take Noel's cock in his mouth, warm and heavy and almost too much for Liam's senses. He tried to stay silent, willing himself to not moan, to not allow Noel the smug satisfaction; then he flicked his tongue and relaxed his mouth, listening as Noel began to gasp out half-formed swear words and gripped a hand tight in Liam's hair. 

  
Liam felt himself flush hot with embarrassment and irritation, and pure, desperate need. The irritation prickled under his skin - '' _why does it always come to this? Will the need ever go away?_ '' That need, which sat in Liam's core, the certainty that his life depended on him being centre-stage in Noel's brain; it felt as natural as if it was a part of his body. It stretched its long tendrils out into his blood, and he didn't care if he moaned like a girl when Noel pulled his head closer with a sigh. It was too much, but it would never be enough, he knew. For both of them, nothing was ever enough. 

  
The alcohol in Noel's blood was clearly still affecting him; he was oddly careful as he cradled Liam's head and bucked his hips up slowly, tentatively. Liam closed his eyes and breathed through his nose and drifted, far up into the clouds, higher than any cocaine or pill or screaming crowd could ever send him. '' _8 years_ ,'' he thought, through the mist, '' _8 fucking years, the bastard. The perfect fucking....perfect cunt. Love him. Love him, love him...._ ''

  
He knew when Noel was about to come, he hadn't forgotten the way his stomach tensed and his body would try to curl in on itself, the way he would frown a little and sigh whilst Liam pushed him over the edge. As Liam glanced up, his mouth aching and his heart hammering too fast, Noel's eyes met his. Liam saw his big brother who had cradled him when he'd cried as a kid, who had beaten him bloody as a teenager, who had pushed him into a spotlight for the world to adore, and then left him with bruises on his heart. He saw every version of his brother right there in those eyes, and gazed back, unblinking, his mouth obscenely wet and sloppy around Noel's cock.   
''Fucking _hell_ ,'' it was barely a whisper, ''Liam, y'should.....fuck...m' going to....''  
Liam hummed softly, encouragingly; stroking his thumb over Noel's hip. Every nerve in his body shivered as Noel came in his mouth with a groan, clutching at Liam's shoulders painfully, like a drowning man. Long eyelashes fluttered as Liam dipped his head low and swallowed, feeling faintly smug despite himself, and finally Noel lay loose-limbed and panting, fingertips still pressing into Liam's skin. The room was deafeningly quiet beside the sound of their breathing.

  
Liam stayed where he was, until Noel shoved his knee gently against his ribs.  
''You sleeping there?'' He nudged Liam again, who elbowed him back and sat up.   
''Couldn't sleep on you, y'skinny fucker. Bony.'' Liam yawned and scratched his belly. His jaw felt tired. His whole body felt tired. He could still taste Noel in his mouth. He crawled up beside him, stretching onto his front and closing his eyes, one arm draped over his brother. The air was cold on his skin. 

  
''I need a cigarette,'' Noel said softly.   
''Ok.'' Liam felt empty. Noel would leave, he knew. Would grab his coat and run for the hills. As always. ''Y'gotta go outside.''  
He felt Noel pull away from him. ''I know.'' Liam listened as the landing floor creaked and the patio door clicked shut downstairs. He pressed his face into the pillow, pushing down the fury, exhaustion washing over him. He knew he was alone again. Left behind again. Noel couldn't even say it straight to him, had to pretend and pretend and then vanish the easiest way he knew how. And Liam was a fool if he thought it was ever going to be different. Of course nothing was ever going to be different.

  
He dragged the blankets up around his chin, warmth enveloping him. The misery lay icy cold in his stomach, but he drifted into a doze. A few birds outside were beginning to chirp.

  
The patio door clicked again and there were footsteps on the stairs. Liam was barely awake, not noticing until the floor creaked comfortingly and he felt the mattress dip beside him. A solid weight pressed against his back and an arm slid around his waist. Noel's lips were cool on his skin, and he smelled like smoke and sex and Liam's whole life.  
He shifted back, pulling Noel's hand up to his chest. He couldn't open his eyes, the warmth seeping into his bones. ''Y'didn't leave,'' he mumbled, ''thought you'd leave me again. But you're....y'here. You didn't leave...'' As sleep came, pulling Liam under, Noel's mouth brushed his ear, the words nearly too soft to hear except in his dreams.

  
''Love you. Go to sleep,'' Noel's breath caught sharply in his chest, and his arm tightened around his brother. ''I love you. I love you.''

  
***

  
When Liam awoke, the clock on the landing was showing half past eleven and managing to look judgemental while it did so. The bedroom door was wide open, the curtains pulled back a little to let the London greyness in. 

  
Noel's jacket and shoes were gone. Liam's lighter was neatly set beside his phone on the table. The shirts on the floor had disappeared.   
He wandered downstairs. The washing machine was on and there was a scrap of paper next to the kettle. Liam read it and threw it in the bin. Then he fished it out and stuffed it in his pocket, cursing under his breath. His hands were shaking with something that felt like rage. It gripped him, fierce and hot, like it was trying to burn the scribbled words from his memory, burn them out of his soul and make them disappear forever. 

**Sorry for being drunk. Sara rang. Gone home. Maybe best if you don't call.** **x**

  
***


End file.
